Catching the copycat:the Scarecrow and the healer
by Raphael01
Summary: Kakashi 101: How to woo a women. Insert Kakashi Hatake an underworld leader, sprinkle a few gay Uchiha's here and there, add a few bumps and BANGS along the way... and that son is how I met your mother-  did i mention she was a cop. HOMOPHOBES BEWARE- AU
1. Prologue

**Authors note: First story, I know they're a few mistakes here and there, but it's still readable.**

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><p>Green eyes scanned the area anxiously, attempting to catch a glimpse of the infamous thief. She sighed in disbelief. Sakura Haruno had known that the profession she was currently in would lead her into dangerous situations but never in her 4 years of working with the police had she ever imagined that she would be sitting in the middle of a deserted road in a clown suit.<p>

Yes you read right.

Sakura Haruno was sitting cross legged; in a shroud of darkness the only thing that pinpointed her exact position was the overly obnoxious red wig and matching red nose. Her neon yellow overalls were almost illuminating their own glow. She cringed at her stupid mistake and her overly compassionate side. He wasn't known as the copy cat for nothing.

"DAMN YOU!" she screamed at the heavens.

"I WOULD HAVE GOTTEN AWAY WITH IT, IF IT WASN'T FOR THAT MEDDLING MUTT".

Oh why had she become power hungry, why didn't she just stay in her small little office, with her small little desk working on adultery cases? Why had she let her stupid mentor convince her on taking the promotion? She could have been sleeping in her warm bed, contemplating on her near non existent love life and the evils of men right now. But no the luxuries, not to mention potential eye candy convinced her on moving to a new sector. The whole concept of an adventure had been the icing on the cake.  
><strong>Money +Hot guys + Adventure = wild, hot animal sex.<strong>  
>What more could anyone ask for.<p>

Darn her for stepping out of her comfort zone. Darn her for not having a boyfriend. Darn Sasuke for being a homosexual. Darn Naruto for seducing Sasuke. Darn everyone for living their happy little lives, with their happy little partners and their amazing sex life.  
>Not that she was bitter or anything. She was far from that, she was just accepting the facts and just appreciating them with an overwhelming amount of emotion- mostly anger, but she wasn't bitter at all.<p>

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><p><strong>REVIEW PLEASE <strong>


	2. The bad beginning

It all started on that very Monday.  
>Police sirens were blaring and a cold voice echoed throughout the street.<p>

"We have you surrounded. Release Uzumaki Naruto or we will open fire".

"Si..sir we can't open fire..." whispered a small voice.

Dark eyes moved away from the window and settled on the petite young women. The women shrank back, pushing a long strand of violet hair behind her ear. Her pale eyes shifted, she stared at the ground and played with her fingers.

"Listen Hyuuga, and listen well, whatever I say goes", hissed Sasuke. He stood tall, exhibiting a deathly aura.

"And if I have to get rid of a few people along the way to reach my target I will", his hand flicked around the revolver, playing with the trigger.  
>The small women instantly moved away, Fear engulfing her.<p>

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><p>Sakura lazily woke up, eyelids semi open. She ran a small hand in her rosette curls and began to stretch. The dream she just had put a small smile on her face. It was cute how possessive Sasuke could be, but it could be so annoying at the best of times.<br>She tried to untangle her long limbs from her bed covers as fast as she could, to beat her room mate to the bathroom. The quick movements had caused the aftermath of a night of drinking. Her head was spinning and ringing and ... she could hear snoring. She turned to her side and was surprised to find a rather bulky male sprawled along her baby pink rug, cradling a pot of instant ramen. His unruly blonde hair covered his face and his sun kissed skin had a rather pinkish flush. Her eyes widened in horror, she was going to die. Her boss was going to kill her. What she thought was a terrible nightmare was actually happening. That was when she heard them, the police sirens and the voice. She timidly walked towards a window and slowly moved the curtain to take a peak outside.  
>Bad move.<p>

His eyes met with hers.  
>Obsidian against sea foam green.<p>

And that was when she witnessed it, the infamous Uchiha death glare. The very same glare that was said to have caused a hundred men to surrender in battle. If looks could kill, Sakura would have been long gone.  
>Under normal circumstances what she saw would have had her laughing out loud, but since she was the receiver of the death glare she cowered away.<br>Uchiha Sasuke was standing on top of a police cruiser shouting down a megaphone.  
>She was going to die and it was all her stupid blonde best friends fault.<br>Sakura rubbed her temples aggressively, still praying that this was all a dream or a joke but as soon as she began to calm herself down and make sense of the situation, she was greeted by a frightened Ino (her room mate) and an equally frightened Kiba (said room mates male "companion"). Both of which were running around like headless chickens in an attempt to hide or protect themselves from the Uchiha's wrath.

It was all Naruto's fault; it's not like she actually wanted a big fuss over her promotion. It wasn't like she intentionally got him drunk, that man just couldn't hold a drink and it wasn't just him and her. Ino and Kiba were there to, just a bunch of close friends drinking and having fun. It's not like she knew the Uchiha would go on a psychotic rampage and send hundreds of police officers to search the whole of Konoha for his lover. I mean he filed a missing persons report and Naruto was only gone for 11 hours that guy had to have a few screws lose, no matter what people said.  
>Scratch that, a few was an understatement.<br>Sakura did the only thing she could think of at the time, she beat Naruto up till he woke up (which didn't take long) and chucked him out. It was his mess and he had to clean it up, she assured herself. The real reason she hadn't faced the Uchiha was the fact that the last person who had gotten on his bad side had disappeared.

**Insert anecdote.**  
><strong>He's name was Suigetsu, a shameless flirt.<strong>  
><strong>He and Naruto had gotten so drunk that they had ended up on a coach to Suna, with no money to get back. It had cost her a lot of petrol and 6 hours of non stop screaming, shouting and fighting with Karin and Sasuke about directions. They found the two and they all squeezed into her small green car, rather was fine she sat at the front and Sasuke was driving. She remembered Suigetsu sitting directly behind her, attempting to flirt with her and then 4 petrol stations later he and Naruto swapped places and then when they got back to Konoha he wasn't in the car. She distinctly remembered the smirk that Sasuke had and the look of fear on Karin's face.<br>**  
>She winced just thinking about what could have happened if she had faced him; the term 'sleeping with the fishes' came to mind.<br>Kiba and Ino were sitting underneath the window pane, listening just as intently as her.

"Shall I look", whispered Kiba.

"No!" screamed Ino, rugby tackling him to the ground.

"He's Uchiha Sasuke, he's waiting for his prey. Listen forehead; call in sick now, before he transfers you to Otogakure".

That was the first time in her 18 years of knowing Ino that she had taken her advice.  
>That day Sakura called in sick, didn't leave her house out of fear and kept her revolver close in hand.<br>Her Paranoia took control of her; she even swore she caught a glimpse of his chicken butt hair outside her kitchen window. This was very unlikely since she lived on the 3rd floor of a 4 storey apartment building and there was no way that the Uchiha could fly.

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><p>The next day she had felt even worse, she had to face him.<br>Her first day at the new department didn't really give of much of an impression.  
>She looked awful; she had dark eye bags, had an overdose of caffeine and was having the most painful stomach cramps ever. She tried to groom herself at the best of her abilities and in an attempt to hide the imperfections on her face she caked on makeup.<br>A lot of makeup.  
>She wore a black blazer, a white tank top and a high waisted skirt. She'd switched her usual sensible shoes for some patent black leather heels (a gift from Ino for her Promotion).<br>She took a last look at herself before entering the building.  
>Gathering all her courage Sakura marched into the office. She swung her hips side to side, in an attempt to woo her fellow male co-workers.<p>

However it was an utter flop.  
>She failed to notice the 'wet floor' sign and continued walking.<br>The marble floors had just been cleaned, so her heels were slightly slipping with every movement. The real challenge had been to get to the elevator without falling on her butt. The other reason why her seduction technique had failed miserably was because of the fact she had a leather satchel bag around her shoulder, which would have been fine if she didn't have 3 very thick files wadded inside it. The outcome of this was basically that every time she swayed her hips, the chunky files would slam against her left hip bone, causing her to either "eek", or contort her face in pain. It wasn't her fault her mind wasn't functioning as well as it should have; she blamed it on the sleepless night she had.  
>It was a struggle of attire.<br>She finally reached the elevator when she suddenly slipped to her left harshly, causing her bag to body slam her back in front of the elevator. A noise escaped her cherry red lips; it was a crossover of an 'OMG' and a pig on helium (Which was ironic since Sakura called Ino the pig).  
>It wasn't a very feminine noise and as soon as it left her mouth the door slid open revealing four gorgeous men. Two of whom she recognised as, Uchiha Itachi, Sasuke's older brother and Shishui Uchiha, Sasuke's cousin. The other was a blonde haired man who resembled Ino and a red head.<p>

"Good morning Haruno", beamed Shishui.

"Morning", she replied, just the sheer sight of the two Uchiha gave her the heebies jeebies due to their very uncanny resemblance with Sasuke.

Itachi gave a nod of acknowledgement and swiftly left the elevator, with the red head and blonde tailing behind.  
>"Aren't you coming in?" Shishui asked softly.<p>

"No don't worry I'll just take the next one", Sakura replied, she needed to be as far away as possible from anything human to hide in shame.

"It's fine, since Sasuke did send me to hunt you down", he held a cheerful tone but his eyes were glazed over, void less of any emotion.

"Excuse me".

"You heard me right; whatever you did to him he's still pretty heated about it. So if you savour your life just nod to whatever he says", continued Shishui, pressing the button for the 6th floor.

Suddenly a surge of anger filled Sakura; it was like the only thing she saw was red. As soon as the door to the 6th floor opened she stormed into Uchiha Sasuke's large office and shouted at him.

**Tuesday 14th June 2011 at exactly 9:52am Haruno Sakura lost it.**  
>She shouted at Uchiha Sasuke, whilst in the middle of a conference; about how much of an over possessive asshole he was. How he shouldn't act all dominative since he was the one with 'uke' in his name, how unnecessary it was for him to send about 100 police cars to her house just cause Naruto was out having fun and he wasn't invited to the party and how he was abusing his power .Alongside a whole bunch of expletives.<br>The whole room was silent, half of them gaping at Sakura whilst the other half opened and closed their mouths like fish.  
>Uchiha Sasuke just sat in his big chair, raised a perfect brow and continued, ignoring Sakura's rant.<p>

"Oh, Haruno how kind of you to grace us with your presence. As I was saying Haruno Sakura has kindly offered to take up the "copycat's" case. Since she's chosen such a high profile mission, one which my own cousin Shishui has been on for 3 years now and been quite unsuccessful, this will determine our newbie's reputation here". Shishui clenched his fists.

"Shishui will be your partner. I'd like for the two of you to review this case right this minute and begin planning your next move, since the leaders of the other villages will be meeting in Konoha on the 18th to discuss the drought situation. I'm positive that the copy cat will strike. So does everyone agree that Haruno should be put on this case? Yes, ok now leave", Sasuke didn't leave room for complaint and kicked everyone, including Shishui out.

He grabbed Sakura by the wrist and practically flung her into an empty seat. Sasuke paced behind her, his shoes clicked against the marble floor.  
><strong>Tuesday 14th June 2011 at exactly 10:20 am Haruno Sakura was going to die.<strong>  
>She just prayed that someone would find her body and hoped her friends would go all out on her coffin.<p>

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><p><strong>Review please...it's crap but all I can say to justify myself is that NARUTO IS LOVE!<br>**


	3. Hatake's going down

"Click...click...click".

"So let me get this right Sakura. I'm an asshole... Oh no I'm a possessive asshole, I'm psychotic...a bad 'uke', a fucktard and a dickhead that can't handle rejection. I find this impression you have of me quite amusing", he mocked coldly.

The courage disintegrated rapidly. Sakura tried to control all her emotion and tried to stay as stoic as possible, mimicking him. However her facade was crumbling.

"Why are you so overdramatic, what do you have against me, we were such good friends before", she said holding her ground.

"Listen Sakura, we are good acquaintances and I wouldn't want anything to happen to you, for Naruto's sake, Naruto is an open target for the copy thief. He's the Konoha leaders son, that man could have kidnapped Naruto used him as ransom and thus the nation would be in chaos. I understand you and Naruto are close, hell I like you the most compared to all his other friends but that little act you pulled on Sunday has made me question whether I can trust you with him", he snarled. He grabbed her pink hair roughly and pulled her head back. Sakura felt a sharp pain in her back.

"Leave him alone or I'll rip your genitals out", he growled into her ear. Sakura felt like her heart was about to rip out of her chest, the rate it was racing at was unnatural.

He let go of her and continued pacing.

"Ok Uchiha listen to me, I'm gonna say this once and only once. Naruto isn't your little thing, and this little hero complex you have might just drive him away. You and I both know that this 'protect him from the copy thief' thing is utter bullshit. Truth is you're insecure and you're scared that Naruto will come running back to me, since I was the one he loved", she bit out, smirking.

Sasuke turned away; his face was hidden in the shadows.  
>Sakura sighed; she wasn't going to stoop down to his level.<p>

"Listen Sasuke kun, Naruto loves you so much, it's unbelievable. Do you seriously think I have the power to turn his attention away from the all mighty Uchiha, prim, proper and sculpted to perfection? Aren't I the one known to have the *'healers touch' huh? Look what happened to Lee, and you and Naruto. Hence why I'm still single, Naruto and I share a platonic love. Nothing romantic. I'd really love for you to just accept our friendship and you and me to be normal. Just like the way we were back in the old days. The three of us. The three amigos".

Sasuke sighed, "You and I are at two completely different leagues. I certainly don't see you as a threat. I've been given the position of the leader of the Uchiha police force, this position is such a great honour. Especially since Itachi decided to step down and become a lawyer. I just don't want anything to go wrong and well, since you decided to transfer to our unit, and I accepted it, I've had people questioning my position. Especially because of what happened on Sunday. I have nothing against you Sakura but everyone knows that Naruto's been under heavy surveillance-"

"Well the surveillance wasn't all that good, if the idiot was able to sneak out and it was a surprise party, I had no part to play in it", countered Sakura her anger remerging.

Sasuke took a deep breath, attempting to calm himself down. He tried so hard to act civil towards her but it was so difficult. Why couldn't she just accept the fact that he didn't want her to see Naruto for a while?

"Well nonetheless all I'm saying is if you're not going to stop seeing Naruto then you might as well do something useful and find out Hatake's position. I've heard you're an extremely intelligent women so this should be as easy as pie".

A vein was visible on Sakura's large forehead.

"Well excuse me Uchiha, I won't just find Hatake's position, I'll be the one to throw him in jail. Don't look down on me; I'm not the little girl you once knew. And for the record Sasuke, I'll protect Naruto with my life". With that said, Sakura huffed and angrily stomped of.

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><p>As soon as she left the door she came face to face with Shisui.<p>

"I think this is the start of a beautiful friendship", he said, his face was plastered with a huge grin which almost rivalled the Cheshire cat.

"You do know eavesdropping is an unethical crime", Sakura stated.

"I like you. You've got spunk, you're the first person I've ever met to have ever insulted an Uchiha and live-"

"Uchiha san, I'm really tired right now, can you please just show me to my office", Sakura sighed, her heart was still racing and her ears were emitting heat.

Her angry outburst just made her feel hot and sweaty; she needed something cold pressed against her body **(don't pervert this sentence).**

"Wow... You're on a role; any other Uchiha would have found your command quite discourteous. I understand entirely why, since I'm not your personal tour guide, but you Sakura san... I find you quite refreshing."

"Sakura san?" she questioned raising her eyebrow.

On their brief encounter in the elevator Shisui seemed to hate her guts completely. But now he was acting like they were old friends.  
>She was sure that the Uchiha family had a bipolar disorder.<br>She was positive they did.  
>20 minutes ago Uchiha Sasuke had a personal vendetta against her and just 3 minutes ago he was praising her intelligence.<p>

"Oh sorry, where are my manners. Is it ok if I call you Sakura, since we'll be working very closely together for a while", Sakura could feel his warm breath against her ear as he bent down to look her in the eye.

Her breath hitched. She took a brief look at his face and what she saw, she really liked. Short ebony hair, pale skin, a aquiline nose and a sharp jaw line. That's what she saw on the outside, what the crisp white shirt and smart black trousers hid was a secret she wanted to discover. He was drop dead gorgeous. But then again all Uchiha were beautiful.  
>Her hope began to rise; maybe just maybe Shisui might be the one.<br>She always did dream of the whole SxS combination, well it wasn't really meant for Shisui, but beggars couldn't be choosers right. **  
>Shisui x Sakura<br>Uchiha Sakura **– It was convenient, she already had enough practice with the signature.  
>Her mind wandered and just like any romantic she pictured herself as the damsel in distress and him as her knight in shining armour, the image of children began to form in her mind and lastly the two of them getting old. She practically pictured their life together and then she saw it.<br>She saw Itachi Uchiha walking behind him,he held the air of a greek god, poised and beautiful ; once he reached Shisui's side he put a hand firmly on his shoulder.  
>And then it hit her.<br>She immediately recognised that grip and the look on Itachi's face. She knew it all to well.  
>Her theory was confirmed.<br>'All Uchiha's were gay'. **  
><strong>All her fantasises fell to pieces, her new love target, which happened to be another Uchiha was gay as well.  
>Hold up, wasn't that incest.<br>**Shisui x Itachi  
><strong>Her mind began to produce new images. Some of these included Itachi and Shisui in a hot tub, rubbing lube on each other in all their masculinity and lastly doing some XXX rated things. She was starting to get hot and bothered just seeing them in close proximity.  
>Shisui raised a pale hand and started waving it infront of her face.<p>

"Sakura san, you ok, wohooo earth to Sakura..."

"You two are gay aren't you", she declared bluntly.

Shisui looked taken aback whilst Itachi just shrugged and walked away. Time was money and he didn't want to waste any of it on a pink haired idiot.

"Well you're direct? You're not a homophobe are you, cause Sasuke's not the straightest ruler out there", he answered in surprise.

"Answer the bloody question", she muttered, clicking her knuckles (a nervous habit she didn't grow out off).

"Well Sakura san, since we're going to be working closely together for a while and my sexuality is clearly bothering you, I'll tell you now. I have a beautiful girlfriend and a child on the way".

Sakura sighed in relief, it was all good as long as she didn't know another gay Uchiha.

"Oh, wait! What about Itachi?"

"Wow...hold it there little lady, you call him Itachi san or Uchiha sama. And well I dunno about him. Actually I don't see him talk to many people actually, just me, Sasuke and his mum".

"But he gave you the shoulder squeeze and me the look".

"What's the look?" he asked raising his eyebrow sceptically.

"The same look Sasuke gives me when I talk to Naruto. The bitch go die, look", she answered following Shisui.

"No that's just his face"

"No I'm sure of it; I've seen that look a zillion times"

"I think you're over exaggerating. They're brothers it's natural for them to resemble each other"

"I'm serious. I practically have a gay-dar".

"Sakura san, this..., it just doesn't make sense. So just by seeing him squeeze my shoulder you think he likes me. Not as a brother but as a... as a lover", hissed Shisui, holding a door open to an extremely big office. He walked towards an empty seat with a desk and motioned towards her to take a seat.

Sakura obliged and propped her head on her hands in deep thought.

"Well it all makes sense. How fast has brother followed brother, from sunshine to the sunless land".

"I don't think the saying works for this situation; we have better things to do then gossip about Itachi's preferences". With that said Shisui pushed a huge file towards Sakura.

Sakura pulled out some thick framed glasses and began to read.  
>Shisui analysed the girl, were grandma specs in style or was that girl just retarded? She could have fooled him. She practically picked fights with three Uchiha in one day. No one had managed to do that in 3 years let alone 3 hours.<p>

Sakura skimmed the files. This Hatake guy maybe bad but she respected him.  
>He had the real rags to riches story.<br>It was said he was a poor orphan who was now a millionaire. His real Identity was unknown, he went by the pen name Hatake and no one had ever seen his face. He was the god father.

"So from this information you think he'll try to take the jade relic from Suna".

"Yep"

"But Sasuke wants us to stay in Konoha for protection"

"I know. Sasuke's too preoccupied in trying to be the 'perfect 'successor, but he doesn't seem to realise that the copycat has no reason to attack the leaders of the villages. I've been going to some spots he's supposedly been sighted and the rumours are that he has a client who wants the relic and is paying a healthy sum of money for it. So as soon as the best fighters and security leave with the new Suna leader and his siblings, the relic will be an open target".

"But how can you be so sure that these rumours weren't supposed to reach your ears. How do you know that those rumours aren't supposed to be a diversion? "

"How do you know this isn't supposed to be a diversion", he answered back.

Shisui hesitated and shifted his gaze away from Sakura.

"Trust me. I have my sources"

"And may I ask who these sources are? You sound extremely suspicious you know", she said staring hard at his face.

Shisui gave sigh of defeat, the girl was extremely stubborn and since she was his first ever partner that wasn't related to him, he thought he'd just come clean.

"Well you see, my girlfriend, Anko she used to work with Hatake pretty closely and well, umm, how can I say it, I told her to go snooping about for information". Shisui ended, nervously rubbing the back of his neck.

"So what you're telling me is that your girlfriend is an ex gangster, and you sent her off to gangster paradise to get information for you", Sakura shouted scandalised.

"Shhh...Well before you start on me too, I'll tell you she's left them for good now, there's no hard feelings between the two parties. No one here knows she's a gangster and no one on her side know that I'm a police officer and well it's all good".

"So ok, I'm just letting my brain understand this. You sent your pregnant ex gangster girlfriend, to gangster paradise to get information for you", her green eyes were wide with horror and she could feel a migraine on her way.

"Well...yea. Wow you're slow, I thought Sasuke sent me an Einstein".

Sakura ignored his comment and continued. "Does Sasuke know?"

"Know what?"

"About Anko san", she growled out through gritted teeth.

"Oh of course, he's going to be an uncle"

"Not about the pregnancy, about her being an ex gangster", she could feel her temper rising.

"Ohh, well what Sasuke doesn't know won't hurt him. As long as Itachi knows then everything will be A OK", he said with gleaming eyes and a huge grin.

"Are you sure you're not gay?"

Shisui rolled his dark eyes.

"So whats the plan", she muttered wearily.

"Well you, me and Itachi are going to Suna, whilst Sasuke stays here with his guards. We know a few guys that can help us with ammo and man power".

"But what if Sasuke finds out", she murmured uncertainly.

"Well Sakura san, Sasuke won't notice, 'cause the only reason he put you on this mission is to get you out of his hair".

Sakura got riled up again, her face darkened.

"Well then we better be thoroughly prepared cause we've got a copy thief to catch".  
>Shisui grinned; she caught the bait hook, line and sinker.<p>

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><p>Sakura entered her apartment and was dismayed to find it completely empty. She was hoping to find Ino setting dishes and making her dinner. She pulled her short pink hair up and went to freshen up. As soon as she finished she heard a loud thump and a rambunctious voice.<p>

"Eh, Women make me a sammich", yelled Ino stripping out of her clothes.

She recoiled as soon as she saw the state Sakura was in. Her eyes were glazed over, her skin dangerously pale and her brow furrowed. Her pink hair was pulled up messily and her bangs pinned revealing a large, shiny forehead.

"Actually, I meant, I'll make you a Sammich". Ino ran into the kitchen searching rapidly for ingredients. She tied her long blonde hair in a messy bun and began the task of making her best friend the tastiest sandwich ever.

"So, I'm guessing it was that bad", Ino said softly, buttering bread.

"He threatened to rip my genitals out", muttered Sakura, making her way to the island.

"Well that's normal; I thought it would be worst.  
>Don't let the bastard get to you.<br>We all know he's got a huge inferiority complex. He's just jealous.  
>I can't believe we actually liked him. I mean, seriously, what has he got going for him. Money, looks ,high status. Who needs that ".<p>

"Your pep talks aren't very peppy", Sakura chuckled, Ino did always did have a way with words.

"Ham or chicken babes", said Ino grinning from ear to ear.

"Ham, he gave me this high profile case-"

"Well that's good, he finally see's your potential and-"

"He only gave it to me to get me out of his hair. It's a dud case, I mean they've been searching for years for the guy-", growled Sakura angrily.

"Haruno Sakura, am I hearing you right, are you seriously undermining a case. No case is a dud. Isn't that like your catchphrase? Must I remind you of your previous successes? Remember that transvestite Haku, who lured women and was part of the huge network of trading women all over the world. How long did it take to actually get him and his partner in jail? People were working on this case for 12 years and you did it in 12 months, the court just delayed it. You Haruno Sakura are the most strong headed, stubborn, competitive, justice serving women I have ever met and now you are going to show that bastard Uchiha who's boss. You're gonna grab this case and succeed. Your name will be in flashing lights, and your trusty bodacious best friend will be beside you absorbing all the lime light. Maybe just maybe I could be signed to a modelling agency and become an international star-",  
>Sakura smiled softly, her friends motivational speeches always did their job however it never failed to amuse her how fast the topic would change and manage to centre around her.<p>

"Even when I feel like crap you always manage to make me laugh".

"After all that's my job, what are BFF's for huh? And I've got to be good at something, you've got the smarts I've got the charisma baby", she said, placing half of an amazing sandwich in front of Sakura. Ino held the other half in her hands and sat on the kitchen work top, opposite Sakura.

Sakura moaned as she bit into the god given sandwich.

"Listen no X rated stuff in front of me kay", Ino narrowed her eyes and timidly took a bite.

"But Ino this is so fricken amazing".

"Well I do tr-"

"Mmmm"

"If you start making out with the thing I'm leaving", Sakura rolled her eyes.

"I'm leaving on Thursday for Suna. The dude's supposed to be stealing some Jade relic that the Kazekage has. I'll probably be back around Saturday-Sunday latest".

"Wow...Jade relic, that- Wait, so that means I've got a free house for the weekend. Woot, woot", squealed Ino in delight.

"Wow, Ino, You're best friend is probably going to her possible doom and the only thing on your mind is having you sex friend over, or having a wild party".

"I'm not having Kiba over silly, Sai's back...eeekkk, so hopefully he's finally understood his feelings and we can be official".  
>Sakura choked on her sandwich. She wasn't fooled by Ino's little charade.<p>

"Sai...Oh Ino don't start with him. He's a jerk; you could do so much better. I really like Kiba , I'd rather you two become official".

Ino sighed "Me to, but Kiba's in love with some other girl, who's totally oblivious to his feelings. I mean why can't the retard see me", she whined.

Sakura sometimes was glad of her single status, all the drama and wishing and hoping that Ino went through made her feel bad. And Sakura knew if she was in Ino's place she'd probably just mope around in a dark room for months.

"Help me pack and tell me all about how you found out Sai was back".

"I stalked his Facebook duh".

* * *

><p>Wednesday was a blur, a day filled with paper work and filing. Sakura thought Wednesday was bad but Thursday was worst.<br>She was sitting in a car squashed in between a transvestite and the prince of darkness. She had briefly seen the two alongside Itachi on her first day at the office.  
>There names were Sasori and Deidara, both of which owed Itachi a favour.<br>Sasori was a fiery redhead, as calm as the opening bars of the gentlest sonata and as cold as a winters night. He was known as Akasuna no Sasori (Sasori of the red Sand).  
>A dangerous criminal, part of the underground organisation Akatsuki.<br>Deidara was his polar opposite; loud and annoying as hell. The two had worked together in the organisation, however whilst Sasori was a hit man, Deidara was a scientist.  
>He had supposedly done some inhumane and illegal experiments on himself and others in order to create life.<br>The most distinctive features about the two were their tattoos. Deidara had two tongues tattooed on each hand whilst Sasori had a scorpion puppet on his right arm.  
>They were quite mysterious. Deidara's left eye was covered by a thick curtain of blonde hair whilst Sasori's whole face was hidden by a hood.<br>From what she could see of them she liked.  
>However the whole mystery hot guy image she had, quickly disappeared as soon as they both opened their mouths.<p>

They constantly fought about art. The true nature of art.  
>Deidara always managed to get flustered whereas Sasori stayed calm and unmoving by any insult directed at him.<br>Sakura's gay-dar was on high alert.  
>She was completely and utterly sure 3 of the 5 people in that car were gay.<br>Deidara confirmed her theory.  
>He reminded her terribly of Naruto and Ino. It was like Deidara was a hybrid of the two. He constantly ended his sentences with either a 'yea' or 'hnn'- just like Naruto and his 'dattebayo'.<br>He had long blonde hair in the same style as Ino, and was a bit dopey. He wore the tightest plum coloured skinny jeans and a pair of ray bans.  
>Sakura was completely and utterly sure that Shisui used the whole 'pregnant girlfriend' story as a cover up for his gayness. The way both Uchihas sat in the diner they were at 2 stations ago confirmed it. Itachi practically sat on top of him.<br>As for Itachi, she believed Uchihacest was real, she didn't care if it was Shisui or even Sasuke , she just needed it to be real.

"Listen Sasori danna fine art is transient and departs quickly, yea", shouted Deidara angrily.

"No Deidara, art is something wonderful and lasts for a long-"

"Trust you to say something like that old man", chuckled Shisui.

"I'm only a year older then you, idiot", mumbled Sasori.

"Shut up Shisui, hnn", said Deidara rolling his visible eye.

"So its Sasori danna and Shisui for me. Wow Sasori, what have you been feeding that one and where can I get some for Ita- chan".

"Shut up", the two shouted simultaneously.

"Hallelujah you two actually agreed on something. So what have we learnt today", said Shisui as if talking to a bunch of 5 year olds.

"Uchiha are shits, yea"

"You're an idiot", answered Itachi. Sasori nodded in agreement.

"That 3 out of 5 people in this car are gay", Sakura didn't realise that she said the statement out loud.

"Wow Sakura, you really know how to make friends don't you", said Shisui laughing out loud.

"huh...Oh my god, did I say that out loud", whispered Sakura. Her eyes shifting between Sasori, Deidara and Itachi.

"Who you calling gay, bitch hnn".

"Who you calling a bitch, dick face", Sakura growled out.

Sasori chuckled, "The girls got some balls to speak to an akatsuki member like that".

"I hope I'm not included in your hypothesis", stated Itachi.

"Hahaha...course not Uchiha sama", said Sakura nervously avoiding eye contact from both Sasori and Deidara.

Sasori's cold voice filled the small car, "Surely I'm not included in your little theory...Haruno san".

"N..no, no of course no-"

"But Sakura san I told you, I have a girlfriend", complained Shishui, turning his head to look in the rear view mirror. Deidara looked at Sakura shiftily. He would have never guessed that the chick sitting beside him would be a lesbian. She seemed to be too much of a goody two shoes to even have sex.

"I've never met a lesbian before", said Deidara excitedly, his anger completely disappeared.

"Uhh wha-".

"Yea, is that why you were all weird at the office? Don't worry no one here will judge you", Shisui said reassuringly.

"I think you're misundersta-".

"No one here is like you ...hnn but I don't think you shouldn't be ashamed by it yea-"

"It all makes sense, you were just looking for your own kind", cried out Shisui, overwhelmed by sympathy.

Sakura couldn't believe what she was hearing. She was sitting in a car full of idiots with no sense or logic. She looked around in hope to find a helping hand; all she saw was Itachi answer her plea with a yawn in the vanity mirror. It was the most beautiful yawn she had ever seen, before she could even start to fan girl over it, she caught a glimpse of something shiny on her right.  
>She saw Sasori take a large knife out of his hoody pocket.<br>A really sharp knife.  
>A really large, sharp, pointy knife.<br>How he got past border control with that in his pocket was a complete mystery. Sasori caught her startled green eyes looking at the knife; he brought it close to her face. She gulped, her throat suddenly felt dryer then the Suna deserts.

"Hahaha, ye...yea you're right, I...I sh...should just ac..accept it", stammered Sakura. Sasori grinned and took the knife away from her.

"So, you got a girlfriend then, hnn", asked Deidara curiously.

Sakura couldn't believe what she was going to say next.

"Yea, her name's Ino. I think you two would have a lot in common. You kindda look alike".

* * *

><p><strong>-Back in Konoha, Ino was happily cutting a clients hair, thinking of the wonderful evening she had planned for her and Sai, when suddenly she sneezed violently, accidently chopping 2 inches extra of the poor women's hair. Her pale blue eyes widened and before anyone could notice she quickly began speaking about "Split ends and dead hair", reassuring the client and equalling the hair out. It was a good thing she was a great bull shitter-<strong>

* * *

><p>The 5 of them reached their destination at exactly 6.00pm. They all wearily entered the small hotel, each of them acquiring a different mood.<br>Itachi was as stoic as ever –that's how Uchiha's always were.  
>Shisui was grinning from ear to ear- Itachi had convinced himself he was adopted.<br>Sasori was bored, cause the Suna border control had actually confiscated his pointy knife.  
>Deidara was angry because not only did the Suna guards confiscate Sasori's pointy knife, they'd confiscated Deidara's A-bomb<strong> (open interpretation)<strong>.  
>And lastly Sakura was tired and depressed due to Deidara's constant questioning about lesbian sex.<p>

"So Sakura san, was Ino your first", asked Deidara, holding the hotel door for her. Sakura couldn't help it, she always did have a short temper; she didn't care if he was a S rank criminal. She clenched her fist, spun around and screamed "Shannoro", punching Deidara as hard as she could, causing him to fall hard on his back.

"Girl fight !", Sakura turned to her side, she could see a lone bystander motioning for others to join him.

He had messy silver hair that defined gravity and his face was partially hidden by a book; the title just gave away his personality. He was holding a new edition of Icha Icha tactics in his right hand. She raised an eyebrow at the man, who in turn gave her a nod of appreciation. Sakura glared at the lecherous bastard and continued to follow Itachi and Sasori to the front desk, leaving a frozen stiff Shisui and an injured Deidara.

"I'm guessing her first wasn't all that great", whispered Shisui, helping Deidara to his feet.

"You know I could have taken her", hissed Deidara, clutching a bleeding jaw. Shisui tapped his shoulder in reassurance.

"Yea man, I know".

"Is she in freaking drag. That bloody hurt like a bitch, hn". Deidara glared at Sakura's retreating back and followed after her.

"Are there any free rooms?" asked Itachi. He caught sight of his own reflection in the shiny name plaque that said 'RECEPTION'. He stared hard and began to fix his raven hair. The receptionist stood still, transfixed by the Uchiha. Sakura's eyes narrowed, she looked at Sasori hoping that he would rudely interrupt the women's trail of thought, just like he'd done at the last petrol station when a small girl was contemplating whether to ask him for help to get a box of cookies that were out of reach. Unfortunately for her Sasori decided to get in-touch with his polite side. Why now of all times? He already made a 6 year old cry, why was he feeling guilty now.  
>Sakura tied her hair into a messy ponytail. Straightened her white tank top and pulled down her shorts.<p>

"Excuse me do you have any free rooms?" she demanded. The women looked Sakura up and down in disdain.

"Sorry we aren't that kind of hotel", she replied turning her head. Sakura could feel her eye twitch, she could feel the little tic on her face move. She had enough of this. She had spent 6 and a half hours in a small, stuffy car (cause even though Uchiha were rolling in money, they were so bloody stingy), with people she didn't like and now this little barbie wannabe was accusing her of being a prostitute.  
>However before a full on argument and violence could unfold, Shisui came and saved the day.<br>"Oh sorry you've misunderstood. We were hoping to book 3 rooms for a few days, we have an important business conference to attend".  
>The big breasted brunette, shot Shisui a flirtatious look.<p>

"Well let me take a look for you da'alin", she flipped a thick green book open.

"Sorry hun, we've only got 2 rooms, ones a deluxe suite and the others a regular".

"Oh..", answered Shisui voicing his disappointment.

"I guess we're gonna have to go somewhere else", said Deidara turning away, accidently on purposely hitting Sakura in the process.

Uchiha Itachi had finally finished fixing his hair, "We are not leaving, this is a fine hotel and every visit I've had to Suna , I've stayed here".

"Seriously, you're going diva on us for a hotel", Sakura muttered turning away.

Her eyes met with the silver haired man's she'd seen a few minutes ago. The lecher had taken of his sunglasses revealing one beautiful grey eye and a a glazed cerulean blue one. He was whispering something to a bell boy, and staring at her. She didn't listen to anything going on between the others and just stared at him challenging him with her eyes.  
>He silently accepted and the stare off was on.<br>He looked at her through semi opened lids, his eyes were smiling lazily. Sakura's sea foam green eyes were wide open, glaring as hard as she could.

"So i'll get the deluxe and you three can share the regular", insisted Itachi. He was a lawyer he could fool the idiots into accepting it. After all Uchiha didn't just share rooms with anyone.

"Is that ok with you Haruno?", he asked smirking. He knew she wasn't paying attention and he knew she wouldn't go back on her word.

"Yea, yea , whatever", she answered waving him of, still concentrating on her staring contest with the stranger.

"All agreed. Then lets go freshen up. We'll meet at 8.00pm tonight to discuss tomorrow". Itachi waved his hand and grabbed his stuff.

"Wait...huh?", she hissed, breaking eye contact.

"You're stuck with us", said Deidara smirking.

It was going to be a long night.

* * *

><p><strong>THANKS FOR THE REVIEWS, REALLY APPRECIATE THEM! LOVE YOU KAAMEN, I HAD A SPAZZ JUST READING YOURS.<strong>

AND EVERYONE ELSE PLEASE REVIEW, CAUSE IT'S FINALLY KAKASHI'S TIME TO SHINE!

ALSO I HAVE ONE QUESTION, ANYONE CAN ANSWER IT ; WHY THE HELL IS KAKASHI SOO BLOODY SEXY?

BTW * HEALERS TOUCH BASICALLY MEANS SOMEONE WHO TURNS STRAIGHT MEN GAY


	4. Cheap is best

**The chapters really long... but it's essential for the next scene sooo... HERE YOU GO! **

* * *

><p>Sakura sighed for the up tenth time. She lay on her back, facing the lime green ceiling.<br>Why Itachi was adamant on staying here was a mystery; what she expected was fine decor, precise and elegant. She was met with the opposite. The walls literally looked like someone had hand rubbed dung on to them, and the lime green decorations and ceiling were giving her a headache.  
>The room was so loud, and ugly that it could make babies cry, hell she was on the verge of crying herself.<p>

"Why do we have to share a room with that bitch hnn", whispered Deidara.

"I'm right here and I'm not so keen on sharing a room with you either", grumbled Sakura.

Why was she so damn competitive? If she hadn't been focused on her little glaring contest with that old pervert, then maybe, just maybe she could be sharing with the Uchiha's.  
>It was just so convenient how those two were sharing a room, suspicious much. Sakura was too caught up in her own thoughts that she didn't notice the bed shift. Her inner Yaoi fan girl was spewing different hotel room scenarios of Uchihacest which had her little preoccupied. All of a sudden she felt a sharp pain in her stomach and found herself pinned to the bed.<p>

"You should stay alert in the presence of two S rank criminals, yea. Wanna feel some real dick, hnn".

What was Shisui thinking having her share a room with two criminals; well, Shisui wasn't thinking at all, because Shisui never thinks.  
>Sakura raised a thin pink eyebrow. She looked deeply into Deidara's cerulean blue eye, fluttered her long, thick eye lashes and clenched her fist.<p>

The next thing that Sasori witnessed was a flying blur of yellow slammed against a wall.

"I dare you to do that again Deidara. I left you with a swollen cheek this time, next time you won't be so lucky", she yelled, jumping of the bed.

Sasori watched and ignored the verbal tennis going on between Deidara and Sakura.

"You're an imbecile".

"Takes one to know one hnn."

"Wow Deidara you're so mature aren't you".

"Shut the fuck up, you fucking queer ,yea".

"Who you calling the queer, you're the one in drag".

Sasori sat in the small wooden chair and closed his eyes. His therapist/accountant Kakuzu had warned him to keep his temper in check. In order to do that he had to block out the surrounding nuisances, this usually consisted of Deidara.  
>He was told to close his eyes and find his happy place.<br>Sasori closed his eyes and breathed in and out at a steady rhythm. He imagined a world full of his artistic creations, puppets and loads of them. He imagined beautiful renaissance art and finely crafted weapons. He imagined Deidara's head underneath his foot, he imagined Sakura's limbs disassembled, he imagined Itachi bald.  
>When he opened his eyes again he found that Deidara was no longer there.<br>Meditation did work; maybe he would do it more often.  
>He looked at Sakura questioningly who in turn rolled her eyes.<p>

"He's gone to have a shower, 'cause the humidity was making his 'hair frizz'".

Silence.  
>Sakura began to busy herself and grabbed her small, baby blue suitcase. She slowly strode towards the single bed and began to take out articles of clothing. Her brows were furrowed in concentration. Should she wear a; dress? Jeans ?heels?...maybe flats, hair up or down? There was so much to do and so little time.<br>Being a girl could be so hard.  
>Finally after making a mental list of advantages and disadvantages of wearing a dress, she decided on a sheer nude blouse and black skinny jeans.<br>She took out a black blazer for good measure- Just in case the Uchiha decided to take them to a fancy restaurant. After taking out matching accessories and shoes, Sakura sat and waited patiently for Deidara to get out of the shower.  
>The man was taking so long.<br>She waited...and waited... and waited. She glanced around the room in an attempt to occupy herself.  
>It was quiet. Too quiet.<br>That was till Deidara decided to sing.  
>Yes Deidara, one of Iwagakure's most notorious criminals was singing.<br>And singing rather badly.  
>Sakura listened intently to Deidara's bad redemption of Lady gaga; she could have sworn she felt one of her ears pop.<br>Sasori was flopped on the sofa reading a book which she couldn't see the title of. Her boredom was killing her and she did the only thing she could at the time; make small talk with the puzzling redhead.

"So how's the book?" she asked timidly.

"It's alright, but the methods the idiot's using are…how do I say it… amateur, he'll never get away with it", said Sasori calmly flicking through the book.

That's when she caught a glimpse of the title; 'How to kill your wife in 30 days, by E.M.O Shizuka'.  
>Sakura rolled her green eyes again; she noticed how often she was doing that whilst in the company of the two criminals.<p>

"I'm sure you could have done a better job", she muttered.

Then there was an awkward silence, so thick that it was suffocating.  
>She sneakily analysed him for a topic starter, she caught sight of a silver band on his ring finger.<br>That's when she started putting two and two together.  
>Sasori was planning to kill his innocent wife.<br>But why?  
>From her previous work at the relations department she knew that the only reason husbands went out massacring their wives was because of adultery or inheritance.<br>Sasori caught her staring.

"I di...didn't know you were married".

"I _**was**_married", he said smiling cynically. Sakura tried to divert the topic immediately.

"Deidara's taking forever in there", she said calmly.

"hmm".

Again silence.  
>"Sooo… what happened between you two?" she asked genuinely curious, hoping that Mrs Sasori was still walking with two feet ...somewhere.<p>

"Between who?" he answered calmly, skimming through his current page.

"Between you and your wife", she began to click her knuckles in an attempt to calm her nerves.

"Which one".

"You've got more then one wife?" The shock was completely evident on her face.

"Well yea…I've had 6 wives".

"How old are you?"

"30…", he mumbled, putting his book down on his chest.

"I had my first wife at 18, 2nd , 5 months after, 3rd at 22, 4th at 27, 5th at 29 and the latest one 2 months ago", he counted them of on his fingers.

"What happened to your latest one?" The room seemed to have grown colder.

"She died".

Her brain was screaming **drop the topic, drop the topic,**but her mouth had a mind of its own, "How?"

Sasori answered with a smile on his face. Not a happy or sad smile.  
>But an evil one. There was no mirth, no guilt present just malice. He answered her question. His eyes glinted in amusement, remembering her writhe in pain.<br>She felt her stomach churn as she listened to the gruesome details of wife number 4's death.  
>Thankfully before he could continue his description of how her eye had come out of its socket, Deidara came strolling out of the shower.<br>His long blonde hair draped behind his back, sticking to his lightly tanned skin. Water droplets were rolling down his body.  
>Sakura thanked the lords for the interruption however as she turned to face him, she saw a rather thick droplet roll down his stomach. It highlighted his hard abs. She sat on the bed gaping.<p>

"Eh Sakura, take a picture it'll last longer, yea", said Deidara smirking.

Sakura's eyes narrowed. "I was just looking for your vagina", she shot back grinning.  
>Deidara scoffed.<p>

"So what were you two gossiping about hnn?" he asked towel drying his hair delicately.

"Just telling Haruno san what happened to Aoki chan". Sasori said, picking up his book and continuing to flip through it.

"Ahhh, did you tell her about what happened to her left eye, yea?" asked Deidara, grabbing two bags and emptying their contents all over the bed.

"Do you mind", Sakura hissed, quickly moving her stuff away from his avalanche of clothes, products and clay.

"No I don't mind hnn".

He began the process of annihilation out loud. "Red jeans, mesh vest, leather jacket with black Dr M's and ray bans...or green shirt, black waist coat and tie with jeans?" enquired Deidara, his eyes moving from Sakura to Sasori, who both in turn ignored him.

"Oh come on...I heard the girls in Suna like to BANG, BANG , yea", he yelled thrusting his pelvis.

Sakura grabbed her clothes and rushed into the bathroom, she was so caught up in listening to Deidara's verbal constipation that she lost track of time. It was 7:37 already.  
>"Wear the green outfit", she yelled before slamming the door shut.<p>

"The red one it is, yea"

The quicker she tried to shower, the longer it took. Deidara had clogged the bathtub with his hair and it took her 10 minutes trying to fix it.

"What the hell Deidara, you're freakin' malting", she screamed, pulling out thick, blonde hairs out of the drain.

"You take ages women, me and Sasori danna are leaving yea. Meet us in the lobby hnn", shouted Deidara.

Sakura quickly showered, dressed and hurriedly applied makeup. She coated her plump rosy lips in a bright red lipstick, she outlined her sea foam green eyes in black eyeliner and roughly applied mascara, causing her eyelashes to curl and erect. She slipped on a pair of red heels and speedily dried and set her curly rosette locks. Lastly she grabbed her navy blue hand bag and quickly locked began to make her way to the lobby; she took a glance at the time, on her wrist watch, which unfortunately read 8:25.  
>She was so late.<br>Itachi was going to kill her.  
>She began to speed walk...then jog and eventually sprinted towards the elevator. She was so close, However, Haruno Sakura was the absolute epitome of bad luck and thus nothing that she ever hoped for went right; the doors began to slide shut, causing her view of the man inside of them to slowly disappear.<p>

"PLEASE HOLD THE DOORS !", she screamed, however her statement was ignored.

She slammed her fists against the hard metallic doors and shouted obscenities about 'men with no decorum' and how that very man 'should stick his tooth pick up his ass '  
>Sakura began to pace about, making another mental list of the pros and cons of taking the stairs. Before she could move towards the stares, she heard a cough.<br>A rather deep, masculine cough.  
>A deep, masculine, sexy cough.<br>She turned to her side to find herself face to face with the silver haired man; she had previously met at the reception. He was leaned against the elevator doors, she noticed that he held a strong resemblance to a scarecrow; tall, skinny and shifty.  
>She took a minute to analyse his features. His skin was pale and unmarked, save for a scar that ran down from his left eyebrow towards his cheek. His nose was long and thin and slightly crooked, however it seemed to sit perfectly on his face. To her disappointment the lower half of his face was covered by a thick dark scarf, in spite of this she was able to take a peek at a strong and defined jaw line. His eyes were the most mesmerising things she had ever seen. They were the strangest colour ever; one was a deep grey with flecks of misty blue, whilst the other an astonishing crimson that seemed to be glazed over. They were hypnotic.<p>

"Like what you see", he said chuckling. She watched the vibrating motion of his Adams apple as he teased her.

Sakura realised she was openly staring and her cheeks began to turn the same shade as her hair.

"You're quite forward for an old geezer", she said huffing and turning her heel. The silver haired man just stood their grinning.

"Well pinky, you seem to be quite...taken with an old geezer like myself, I can still see the shiny spit at the corner of your mouth" he answered, he took a large hand and cupped her rosy cheek, he moved his thumb and began to rub the side of her mouth sensually. She was becoming hypnotised, her eyes were far away and her lids became heavy, her scarlet lips were slightly parted. He began to move his face closer to hers.

'DING!', the elevator doors slid open revealing a very frustrated Deidara and an equally frustrated Shisui.  
>Sakura snapped out of her reverie to find herself completely alone.<br>What...she was so sexually frustrated that she was now imagining having rendezvous with complete strangers. And he wasn't like the normal eye candy she went for...He was an old lecher...that read porn openly in public.

"What's taking you so long women", hissed Deidara. Sakura gave him a quick look over and narrowed her eyes. He completely ignored her advice.

"You look like a flat chested prostitute", she said bluntly. Deidara's lone cerulean blue eye twitched.

"It's called fashion ye-

"Fashion terrorism", muttered Shisui, flashing a small smile in Sakura's direction.

"Well I do have experience in the terrorist business hn"

"Well it's obvious you don't have it in the fashion business", snapped Sakura, completely ignoring Shisui's feeble effort at repentance.  
>She entered the elevator and flicked her curly hair.<p>

"What took you so long, you look the same hnn"

"Well if someone didn't hog the bathroom then maybe I'd have time to make myself up".

"Up yours yea"

"Up my what?" she enquired feigning innocence.

"Don't listen to him Sakura, you look quite appealing", Shisui stated pressing the button to the lobby. Sakura just bit her cheek, she didn't want to start a full on argument with Shisui in front of Deidara, the S rank criminal could easily use it to his advantage.

"So how was your hot, steamy man love with Ita-chan?" Sakura was never very well versed with sarcasm, but it was never too late to try.

This time it was Shisui's turn to narrow his eyes.  
>Deidara snickered.<p>

"I'm not too fond of seeing your nipples".

"I'm not too fond of seeing your face Sakura hnn"

"You are soooo not going to be 'banging' Suna girls in that outfit"

"Neither are you in your grandma clothes yea".

"IT'S VINTAGE!"

Before the two resorted to a fist fight, the door opened and a beautiful dark haired woman entered the elevator. She had ruby red eyes and long straight hair, she was drop dead gorgeous. Her hour glass figure donned a short red dress, which emphasized her long legs and pale skin. She bent over to press a button revealing an eye full of cleavage.  
>Deidara had a wolfish grin; he eyed the woman like a predator would do to its prey. Undressing her with his eyes- in turn the girl winked at him.<br>Sakura gagged and Shisui restrained himself from saying anything too insulting.  
>As Deidara began to flirt with the unknown women, the door reopened, revealing a bulky man with a cigarette in his mouth. He had slightly tanned skin, was very rugged and masculine with a slight goatee. He loomed over the party and raised a dark brow.<p>

"Kurenai, where are you going?" questioned the man; challenging Deidara's with his eyes.

"Well, that's non of your business", she answered haughtily, turning her back from the man and giving her full attention to Deidara. She was practically pressing her cleavage on Deidara's scantily clad body.

"Sorry...excuse me this is our floor", said Shisui quickly, grabbing Sakura's wrist and dragging Deidara out.

"I'll see you later hot stuff", said the women flirtatiously, causing her large companion to frown.

Deidara just grinned, "I saved a woman from being attacked...I controlled myself yea", he said proudly.

"When I told you to do a good deed a day...I didn't mean that", sighed Shisui.

Maybe he should try to make a break through with Sasori instead.

The threesome were bickering rather loudly till they reached the lobby where both Sasori and Itachi were sitting calmly, admiring their reflections in the mirror ceiling. They both gave of a powerful, sexy aura.  
>Sakura was just thankful that she wasn't the only one underdressed in the party, with Deidara next to her she had nothing to worry about.<p>

"Hello Haruno san, nice of you to join us", Sakura avoided eye contact with the raven haired man.

"Sorry for keeping you waiting", she replied.

"Well since everyone's here we should get going yea", trust Deidara to be the one to break the awkward silence.

"Where are we going Itachi?" asked Sasori.

"Is there anywhere specific you'd like to go?" Itachi enquired, making his was towards the lobby door.

"Somewhere cheap yea..." said Deidara, remembering what Akatsuki's treasurer had drilled into his brain. He could almost hear his voice chorusing **'CHEAP IS BEST, CHEAP IS BEST, CHEAP IS BEST...BUT FREEBIES ARE BETTER'.  
><strong>  
>"Is Mcdonalds alright...i'm sure you can eat a full meal for under 519 yen", taunted Shisui.<p>

"Yea lets go to Mc D's, cheap is best, yea"

"Don't be ridiculous, I would never step a foot in there let alone eat that over processed junk, I know a great restaurant around the corner it's called the Noir and the food is divin-"

"Itachi, the food their costs more then my freakin' apartment and the portions are tiny, Kakuzu would kill us if we ate there hnn. It's easy for you since you Uchiha's are shittin' money yea"

"Yea I agree with the brat".

"How about if I pay", Insisted Itachi ,cause Uchiha's never ate in fast-food chains and Uchiha's never took no for an answer.

Everyone's eyes brightened with hope, the idea of eating in a fancy, expensive restaurant suddenly became very appealing.  
>"Fine with me yea"<p>

"Me too", the two Akatsuki members smiled to themselves, Kakuzu would be so proud of them, they'd come home without spending a dime.

"Are you sure Uchiha sama?" objected Sakura.

"It's a freebie pinky, don't ruin it for us hnn", whispered Deidara harshly.

"Yes Haruno san I am absolutely sure".

The 5 quietly walked to the Uchiha's car. The ride to the restaurant was silent; it wasn't an awkward silence but a comfortable one.  
>Sakura looked out of the window admiring the Suna night sky; the stars seemed to be clearer in the desert village.<br>Shisui sat quietly going over their plan.  
>Itachi ...well Itachi was Itachi, he never really did say much.<br>Deidara didn't want to offend his benefactor so stayed quiet, for the foods sake.  
>Sasori was thinking about how to pay the rent for his apartment... he could always get married again.<p>

The 5 of them were caught up in their own thoughts and didn't notice a navy blue car directly behind them. Well Itachi noticed but he didn't dwell on it too much, it was just a coincidence that the same silver haired man and his toothpick sucking friend were giggling together at the colourful literature in front of them. Nothing abnormal about that.  
>It was also a coincidence that the couple from the lift were there to, the busty dark haired women driving and the bulky cigarette smoker was in the passenger seat begging for forgiveness.<br>Nothing seemed out of the norm, however Itachi failed to notice that the toothpick in the man's mouth was actually a senbon and that the bulky man was playing with the trigger of a gun.

* * *

><p><strong>To all my lovely reviewers I really, really, appreciate them and if I could I would kiss each and everyone of you, but I can't so hopefully this little message will show you how much you guys mean to me...wahh YOU GUYS A FREAKIN' AWESOME!<strong>  
><strong>Thanks again for the reviews, love you all and please continue following this story cause i'm going to keep it up till the very end... <strong>

**xxxxxxxxx**

**EVERYONE ELSE PLEASE REVIEW...THIS NEXT SCENE IS FULL OF ACTION, DRAMA AND YOU'LL FIND OUT WHY POOR SAKURA IS IN A CLOWN SUIT**

Also apologies for any mistakes, the computers made my eyes fuzzy... xx


	5. Bullets and Batteries

After half an hour of nonstop bickering (thanks to Deidara questioning Sakura about her 'freakish' pink hair) and a fist fight between Shisui and Deidara (which was quite odd since Shisui was in the front seat and Deidara was in the back ...furthest away from him), the five of them finally arrived at the Noir.  
>Deidara stared at the restaurant in admiration.<br>He had never in his life eaten out for more then 2,598 yen and even then he had one of his admirers pay for him.

"Itachi you remember you're gonna pay right, cause you said so before yea".

"I assure you Deidara I'll be paying".

"You can't back out, cause once we enter yea, there's no going back hnn"

"I know Deidara-"

"I best not be punk'd or nothing cause I'm just going to shoot someone yea".  
>An obsidian eye began to twitch, why didn't the blonde haired idiot just accept the offer quietly like everyone else?<br>Why was he so paranoid?

"Cause, like I don't have money to pay for anything in there yea"

"Deidara don't worry man, Itachi said he'll pay and he'll pay", said Shisui reassuringly.  
>A lone cerulean eye lit up in excitement.<p>

After their discussion the, oh so 'chivalrous' Itachi got out and opened maiden Haruno's door. Who responded by shyly leaving the car; followed by Deidara who had to bite his tongue in order to stop the snide comment itching in his mouth.  
>He repeated his mantra quietly 'CHEAP IS BEST, FREEBIES ARE BETTER' and gave Itachi the politest smile he could muster up.<p>

"Ita chan, when are you going to open my door, I've been waiting for ages", said Shisui teasingly.

"Shut up yea. How old are you hnn".

"You're such an ass lick", replied Shisui, getting out of the car.

"I'm not as bad as you...**'Oh Don't listen to him Sakura, you look quite appealing'**, yea", mimicked Deidara in a high pitched voice.

"Wow... the real question is how old are you Deidara...We're not in grade school"

"You're obviously not, with all those white hairs hnn"

Shisui instantly clutched at his head "They're not there because I'm ageing, it's because of stress and a lack of vitamins".

"Is that the bull that Anko fed you, yea"

"Be quiet", Shisui's cheeks were covered by a deep flush and he continued to fumble with his dark hair.  
>Itachi ignored the two and chucked the silver keys to the Valet.<p>

"Shisui was right, you do look quite enticing tonight Haruno san", without hesitation he offered his arm.

Sakura's brain stopped functioning as soon as the compliment left Itachi's perfect lips.  
>She turned to her sides in disbelief, she saw Shisui nudging Deidara rather roughly in the ribs and Sasori smiling his normal voidless smile.<br>The next thing she knew her arm was around his and she was being led rather smoothly to the front entrance of the restaurant.

"A table for 5 please" said Shisui cheerfully.

"I'm sorry there might be a short dela-"

"I **want** the finest table for 5", said Itachi firmly, his obsidian eyes, similar to that of his younger brothers were glaring dangerously at the scrawny host.

"Oh Uch..Uchiha sa...sama , ye..yes, fo..follow me please".

The 5 of them were immediately led to a table with an amazing view; they could sea the beautiful Suna-n moon, light up the sky causing the water beneath it to shimmer like a thousand pieces of broken glass.

"It's so beautiful", sighed Sakura.  
>Itachi again decided to be incredibly polite by helping her get seated. This time Sakura wasn't fazed. She just raised a pink brow at Shisui, who shrugged.<br>Sakura sat quietly for the next 10 minutes, pretending to read her menu.  
>She decided to ignore the closeness between her and Itachi.<br>She ignored the way his thigh brushed against her own and the way his fingers grazed against hers when they both reached to refill their wine glasses.  
>She convinced herself that she was thinking to deep into it, his actions meant nothing. The only reason those butterflies in her stomach were tormenting her was because he was extremely good looking and held a strong resemblance to Sasuke –her previous crush.<br>It was nothing.  
>Nothing at all.<br>But why was he suddenly so close?  
>And why was the room getting insufferably hot?<p>

"So is everyone ready to order", asked Deidara excitedly.  
>Sakura began to panic, her glossy emerald eyes scanned the menu, shifting backwards and forwards in an attempt to find something that didn't slither in its own slime.<p>

"Haruno san, are you ready", asked Itachi flatly.

"Uhh yea, there's so much to choose from, I'm pretty overwhelmed", she lied.

"I know right, everything looks soo good yea"

"Can we order please", asked Sasori to the closest waiter.  
>Sakura sighed, she'd just order what Deidara was ordering, <strong>he'd<strong> surely have something that would be filling. She set the menu down and took a large gulp of wine.

"Of course sir, what can I get you?" asked the waitress.

She turned to face them and they were all greeted with large perky breasts.  
>Deidara was openly staring; he unconsciously reached out to touch the globes, luckily for him he was snapped out of his reverie before the women could scream rape.<br>The very busty woman held a strong resemblance to someone Sakura knew, but couldn't identify.  
>The women had short silvery hair that was tied up, she wore big spectacles that were bright blue, hiding her eyes and the lower half of her face was covered by a black sanitary mask. She wore the common waiter's uniform however the mandatory skirt was replaced by baggy black trousers.<p>

"Umm...well I'll have the Carabineros King prawns as a starter and the thinly sliced brea... breast of duckling as a main", said Sasori trying to avoid staring at the women's chest.

"Well I'll have the Fresh Anchovies stuffed with Swiss chards and ricotta yea, as a starter, I know exactly what fresh anchovies taste like so make sure they're the real deal hnn , and I'll have the Milk fed lamb as a main, but make sure it's not too pink, and what exactly is in the country style salad hnn, if they're any tomatoes or olives just remove them cause I hate them yea, I hate them olives yea, they taste like gone off milk and them tomatoes, don't get me started on them tomato-"

"Deidara are you done yet", asked an exasperated Shisui.  
>Deidara's eye widened and he nodded happily like a school kid, his blonde hair slightly ruffling with the sudden movement.<br>After ordering Sakura began to unload her memory bank to find out where she had previously encountered that rather masculine women.

"Wohoo...Earth to Sakura, Sakura hnn".  
>It wasn't like Sakura couldn't hear Deidara's annoying calls, she was just ignoring them. He was so predictable.<p>

"Did you find that chick hot", he asked his blue eye glittering in excitement.

"No, Deidara for the last time I'm not ga-"

"So you've been lying to us", came Sasori's steely voice. Sakura felt like she was reaching boiling point, just like a volcano about to explode her body began to tremble.

It didn't help that the room was hot and people were breathing her air. The anger was surging through her very core, there were many factors responsible for the forthcoming outburst. Some of these being; sharing a small room with two very dangerous S rank criminals, having a bipolar Uchiha to do deal with, who sometimes seemed to want to destroy her very being and other times showered her with compliments and 'niceness'. The very same Uchiha also made her heart flutter and body react in strange ways. And the last reason to why she was on the verge of a mental breakdown was that Haruno Sakura knew faces, she simply couldn't forget one that easily, and she definitely recognised that women, but she just couldn't remember where and at what circumstances.  
>Her mind was screaming the same thing over and over again.<br>**'You're a Haruno, now get up of your backside and K.O them Sakura style'**

"Yea, what you gonna do about it Sasori", she replied back icily.

"I'm sick and tired of you all thinking you can do whatever the hell you want with me. Let's start with you Shisui, it doesn't take a genius to know not to room your partner with two potentially dangerous criminals. Why the hell would you put me in a room with freakin' Henry the 8th and Malibu Barbie? Next you just assume I'm gay. The gay ones are you, we all know what you and Itachi get up to, why else would you two be so adamant on sharing a room together by yourselves.  
>You should have used that miniscule brain of yours to realise that... maybe, just maybe I should be rooming with you or Itachi ...or even both, cause we're pretty familiar with each other. I know nothing about the other two, for all you know they could chop me up into little pieces and ship me over to bloody to Kumogakure.<br>And you Uchiha Itachi, why the hell are you being so nice to me, is this some sort of cover up for your gayness or are you seriously in denial. I understand why though, since Sasuke's out of the closet, and the only remaining head Uchiha is you. The pressure of being the one that has to have kids must be killing you cause you and Shisui can't magically make kids unless you grow some in a tube (**dedicated to carmenstein**), you have enough money to do me the hell alone, don't be nice to me, unless you're actually being sincere, cause I've had enough of the whole **'I'm and Uchiha and I'm so bloody great'** crap.  
>Lastly lets talk about the S rank criminals, Deidara, I really like you, and thanks to you I'm not as homesick as I would've been. SO THANK YOU, GOD DAMNIT!<br>BUT...Don't freakin' get on my nerves or I'll beat the shit out of you.  
>Sasori why the hell are you so freakin' emotionless, even the Uchiha aren't that bad. Listen I'm not scared of you at all, take that stick out of your ass and stop being a sadistic bastard."<p>

The air suddenly got colder; five eyes were staring directly behind her. She felt Itachi's hand on her thigh tighten. She didn't realise that the restaurant had quietened down.

And she didn't realise that people were looking at her.  
>"What you all lookin' at, mind your own freakin' business", she yelled waving her fist madly.<p>

"Nothing to see, she's just a little bit tipsy, had too much to drink...uhahaha", said Shisui laughing nervously.  
>The atmosphere got warmer and they could hear the comfortable vibrations of conversations and cutlery against each other.<br>The waitress was busily clearing up the table beside them and Sakura caught sight of a small grin on her face.  
>There was something very off with that woman.<p>

"Haruno san, I do understand you're quite upset at this minute but can you please refrain your self from creating another scene", hissed Itachi.  
>This was it, Haruno Sakura's second near death experience with an Uchiha. Her fingers curled into a fist, she swung her arm backwards to gain momentum and...<br>WAMM!  
>Her fist landed square on Uchiha Itachi's face. Her eyes widened in realisation, she saw a small trail of crimson on his face and the deadliest eyes staring back at her. She did the only thing she could do; she turned away and ran for her life. <p>

* * *

><p><strong>-Insert anecdote-<strong>  
><strong>His name was Orochimaru , he was a paedophile and Itachi's old partner.<br>He had tried to kidnap Sasuke when he was younger, by offering him immense power.  
>Fortunately Itachi and Shisui had found the two leaving Konoha.<br>He heard Sasuke screaming obscenities at Orochimaru who was dragging the very reluctant young boy.  
>There was an epic battle and then Orochimaru landed a scratch on Itachi's face.<br>Itachi's beautiful face.  
>After that Orochimaru wasn't found again and both Uchiha siblings never talked of that day.<br>**

* * *

><p>Even after Shisui had kindly given her that information, she ignored it and was now in the process of facing the Uchiha's wrath. She ran blindly, through tables and turned to see if he was following her. She didn't see where she was going and slammed against the silver haired waitress causing the tray of water in her hands to spill all over Sakura's clothes.<p>

The first thing on Sakura's mind should have been how the ice cold water was pinching her skin but it wasn't. All she was thinking about was how oddly shaped the woman's breasts were.  
>Shisui came racing behind her.<p>

"Don't worry, Sakura, Deidara's convincing Itachi it's PMS, so lets go back and apologise and everything will be ok...I hope"

"Sorry, madam, I didn't mean to spill the water... ..let me help you clean up", came the waitresses high pitched frantic voice.

Sakura noted how large and thin the waitress's hands were. The woman grabbed tissues to dab at Sakura's nude blouse. At first she didn't notice the way those very hands stayed slightly longer on her chest then anywhere else. But at the second round of the tissue attack she even felt the woman cup her breast.  
>Shisui looked behind him nervously.<p>

"You get cleaned up and I'll stall...I mean talk to Itachi", he turned around and speedily walked away.

"Which way's the bathroom?" asked Sakura softly, her eyes shifting around nervously, trying to avoid looking where the woman's hand was.

"I'll take you there madam", came her high pitched reply.  
>Sakura knew it; there was something really off about that woman. Not only did she have weird features but her voice was abnormally high pitched with deep undertones.<br>She eyed the woman again, whilst she was being led to the toilets.  
>Why was she so drawn to the woman?<br>Maybe she _was_ gay; she wouldn't be surprised though, with Deidara's constant gay jabs and her own failed relationships.  
>It just didn't make sense, why would a 5 star restaurant allow <em>that<em> specific waitress to be an exception from the mandatory uniform. At first Sakura convinced herself that the woman was simply a feminist, but after walking to the toilets together her suspicions were confirmed, the woman was strange, and not the good strange either.

Sakura was led to the toilets; she slyly reached into her bag to get her tazer out. But before she could she felt a pair of strong hands grab her wrists, causing her to release her hold on her bag. She was pinned against a peachy wall and that was when she got a good look at the waitress. The blue glasses slid of her face revealing two different eyes and a very masculine face.

"Long time no see pinky", he chuckled.

"YOU! What the hell are you doing?" she cried struggling against him.  
>The silver haired man adjusted his hold; he pulled both her dainty wrists into his left hand and then pulled out his fake boobs with the right.<p>

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING? WHO THE HELL ARE YOU? WHAT DO YOU WANT WITH ME AND WHY THE HELL ARE YOU FOLLOWING ME?" She screamed.

"Well you see these boobs are quite uncomfortable so I thought I'd take them out".

"You still haven't answered any of my other questions", she muttered dryly.

"Well I don't think you're in a suitable position to be the one asking questions". His eyes were dancing with mischief.  
>Sakura's eyes narrowed.<p>

"Who are you?" she growled struggling under his grip.

"Who are you?" he challenged, his vice like grip tightening.

"Hyuuga Hinata", she lied, she bit her lower lip nervously.

"I told you my name, now it's only fair you tell me yours", she continued, glaring hard at his face.

"Well, Hinata san, is it ok if I call you tha-"

"No-"

"Hina hime-"

"Hyuu-"

"Hina Hina chan"

"IT'S HYUUGA SAN TO YOU", she bellowed, head butting him. The sheer force caused his head to roll backwards. Sakura took the opportunity to knee his crotch. His face distorted in pain and he lost his footing causing him to topple onto the shiny marble floor.  
>Sakura searched her bag for a weapon, but all she found were golden sugar packets that Deidara had forced her to 'takesteal' for him.

"Looking for these?" he growled, waving her tazer in one hand and her handgun in the other.

"And I thought you were a good little girl", he chuckled darkly; all the playfulness had left his voice.  
>He swiftly got up and walked towards her, silver hair falling onto his face, Sakura took the chance to run into a cubicle, quickly locking the door behind her.<br>She closed her eyes and attempted to even out her breathing, she just had to think everything through.

"Hyuuga san, please come out, I'm not going to hurt you", he sang, knocking a beat onto the cubicle door.

"Yea right like I'm going to believe that. That's exactly what all the psychopaths say before they kill slash rape the girl", she yelled back.  
>She heard a heavy sigh.<p>

"Please, I just want to talk. I assure you I won't hurt you", he said almost pleadingly. His fingers were drumming against the door. She could hear some heavy footsteps, pacing up and down and then all noise stopped.

"I surrender. White flag", he mumbled grumpily, he slid her tazer and her gun through the door.  
>Sakura grinned; the guy was obviously an amateur. She pushed her pink curls back, steadied herself, aimed her gun and kicked the door open.<br>There standing before her were 4 armed people ; the guy who didn't hold the elevator door, the arguing couple and the silver haired perpetrator, who was calmly sitting on the coral sofa in the corner reading an Icha Icha novel and playing with _**her**_ _**bullets and batteries**_.

* * *

><p>"Soo...Pinky are you a fan of icha icha?"<p>

"Why?".

"Just wondering?"  
>Sakura sighed, her neck was cramped and her wrists were aching from being bound.<p>

"Are we there yet?" she whined, the restraints were making her wrists sore, not to mention leaving red marks.  
>She was sandwiched between the sleazy senbon wielder and the lanky pervert. Both of whom were as bad as each other.<br>Genma was a shameless flirt, and obviously didn't take 'no' for an answer and Kakashi was just a retard...a social retard and had a passion...no, scary obsession with Icha Icha.

"Nope", came Kakashi's curt reply.

"So do you have a boyfriend?" asked Genma huskily.

"Umm here's a hint. If I didn't answer you the first 25 times, what makes you think the next 25 will work, hmm?"  
>Kakashi snorted, Genma gaped like a fish and they could hear deep rumbles and high pitched giggles at the front of the car that Kurenai and Asuma attempted to hide by coughing.<p>

"The girls got a back bone", said Asuma, grinning widely at Genma's rejection.  
>Genma handsome features twisted into a sadistic smirk.<p>

"Well then I'll just have to change that", he whispered into her ear.

"Sorry I can't think of an insult stupid enough for you"

"Well someone's antisocial".

"I'm not anti social...I just don't like you", Sakura huffed and turned to face Kakashi, who in turn gave her an eye crinkle.

"So pinky-"

"My name's not Pinky". She hissed out.

"Well Hyuuga sa-"

"She's not a Hyuuga, Kakashi", said the ruby eyed driver, she grinned mischievously at Sakura through the car mirror.

"Hyuuga's all have distinct characteristics and personalities, and you definitely aren't cool, calm and collected", Kurenai stated.  
>Sakura knew she wasn't cool, calm or collected; but having someone <em>else<em> say that to her felt like a slap across the face. Especially since that '_someone'_ was a suspected criminal.  
>The insult echoed in her mind alongside a certain term that haunted her ever since she was young.<br>A term that Sasuke used quite loosely ...  
>the term 'stupid'.<br>She was 'not cool', 'not calm' 'not collected'...  
>Haruno Sakura had an epiphany... and not the good kind either.<br>She finally realised that she wasn't the brightest spark in the current.  
><em><strong>How could she actually believe that the cleverly disguised man would just hand over her weapons?<br>How could she just follow a 'suspicious' woman somewhere quiet and secrete?  
>How could she slap Uchiha Itachi across the face?<br>**_  
>"We all witnessed your outburst in the restaurant and your brave attack on the Uchiha was quite refreshing", said Asuma his deep laughter could be heard throughout the car.<p>

"Don't kid yourself, you might as well tell us who you are cause you are not Hyuuga Hinata-"

"how the hell can you be so sure".

"Because pinky", Sakura's eye twitched at the nickname.

" Hyuuga Hinata has been following _me_ around for months for having _'connections' _with Hatake. I'm pretty sure I know _my_ cop when I see her", Kurenai continued.

"There are plenty of Hinata's in the world", she countered, green eyes glazing over challenging the woman with her 'poker face'.

"But there's only one Hyuuga Hinata in Konoha and you have the standard Konohan handgun. Also the Hyuuga family is a very old, prestigious clan in Konoha and their most distinctive features are their pale eyes and dark hair. And you definitely don't fit any of that criteria".  
>Sakura sniffed.<p>

"So what is your name?"

"Ten Ten"

"Her names Haruno Sakura", stated Asuma, holding her orange wallet (gift from Naruto) in his thick hand and pinching her drivers license.

"You know going through someone's bag is a federal crime", she yelled.

"Well... I think that's the last thing on my mind right now Haruno san", answered Asuma. _**  
><strong>_Sakura sighed it was definitely going to be a long night.

* * *

><p><strong>-Back at the restaurant-<br>**  
>"Sooo... I wonder what's taking Sakura long", said Shisui nervously.<p>

"She's probably taking a dump hn".

"The food here was nice", stated Sasori.

"Oh yea, it was, wasn't it?"

"Hnn yea, the food was amazing yea".

There was an awkward silence.

"Where is that girl", it was the first time Itachi spoke, his voice was dangerously low and his eyes murderous.

"Itachi man, it's a lady thing, let it go yea".

"Excuse me". Itachi's death glare found its new victim and that victim was a naive, stingy little blonde who didn't know when to keep his mouth shut.

"Shisui made me say it yea, don't hurt me unn", whimpered Deidara.  
>Shisui glared at Deidara.<p>

"Does she know who I am".

"Probably not, she is a bit...simple", Shisui answered trying to help his new partner.

"No one touches the face and lives", growled Itachi.

You see the truth is Uchiha Itachi had no ill intentions with Sakura, he didn't even find her attractive but Itachi was a good guy. His friend Kisame was hounding _him_ for a girlfriend, cause quite frankly Kisame was ugly- he wasn't blessed with Uchiha-like looks. Sakura seemed a great match for him; she was smart, had a great future ahead of her and she didn't look like a girl who would judge someone based on their looks, especially since she was wearing hideous clothes and knock off shoes.  
>She seemed perfect for Kisame.<br>The assumptions she made about him were fine, he was used to it, and he knew people were just jealous of his success. Who wouldn't they be jealous of him?  
>But then she touched the face...his precious, precious face.<br>His girlfriend... hell his own mother wasn't allowed to touch his face without _his_ permission.

"So what are you going to do to her un?" asked Deidara sheepishly.  
>You could hear Itachi's ragged breathing, his hair had fallen over his face.<p>

"Now Itachi what has Mikoto san told you about keeping grudges, they're not good for your health".

"...grrr...".

"There is something evil there", Sasori motioned towards Itachi.

"Now if Itachi starts croaking i'm getting the hell out of here", Deidara whispered back ferociously.

* * *

><p>After finally figuring out her name Sakura had remained silent throughout the journey, she refused to tell them anything else. She mentally cursed herself for letting go of her handbag.<p>

"I want a milkshake", said Kurenai.

"Are you guys hungry?" she asked.

"Hell yea, all this kidnapping has made me work up an appetite", said Genma stretching his long arms.

"You did nothing", deadpanned Kakashi.

"Course I did, I dictated all your jobs", stated Genma proudly.  
>Kurenai rolled her ruby eyes.<p>

"Genma come here, I need to tell you something", said Asuma quietly, his laughing eyes had turned serious.

"I'm serious, I can tell you your future".

"Shut up you bull shitter"

"Your future holds pain and misfortune"  
>Genma moved closer to the man infront of him, he was curious to why Asuma was suddenly so serious.<br>Kakashi yawned and stretched his own arms, his large hand was directly behind Genma's head and then WHACK!

"Oww wtf is wrong with you, you know I'm sensitive to pain", he hissed, holding his head.

"Told you I could read the future"

"This is a bloody conspiracy. You're all against me", Genma huffed and turned away, glaring at his window.  
>Kurenai ignored the three's mini brawl and eyed Sakura through the mirror, her skin had paled and her wrists were bright red, she felt a pang of guilt as she watched Sakura stare painfully at her wrists.<br>Yes, Kurenai was a criminal, but she was also a woman and a future mother... and this girl was someone's child.

"So Haruno san are you hungry?" she asked softly

"No", Sakura answered weakly. She was really tired; the car journey was causing her head to feel light.

"Kakashi why don't you loosen her wrists, she's not going to go anywhere's she's barricaded between you and Genma", said Kurenai her eyes were full of concern.  
>Kakashi's strong hands began to undo the restraints.<br>Sakura was surprised, but was too tired to react to his ministrations.  
>Her eyes began to close; his little massage was easing the pain. The way his big hands were rubbing gentle circles on her wrists was relaxing.<br>Genma and Asuma were busily fighting and Kurenai had both eyes on the road, so no one really noticed.  
>And then he stopped, much to her dismay.<p>

"Wait, I need to pick Pakkun up", he shouted.

"From where", asked Kurenai incredulously? A pregnant woman should not be denied her cravings.

"Aoki's doggy care centre".

"That's like half an hour away".

"And your point is..."

"Hell no, I'm hungry pick him up tomorrow".

"But then who's going to sleep with me"

"Man you're sick", said Genma sniggering, Genma was awarded with another smack across the head by Kakashi.

"How bout we pick him up after we get food".

"So where do you propose we go Kurenai ", asked Asuma smiling brightly.

"Mc Donald's".

* * *

><p><strong>AUTHORS NOTE: Sorry for the wait, I kinda gave up, but after cleaning out my laptop I decided to upload some old stuff. I'll upload all the chapters I wrote ... Sorry and Thank you for all the reviews :)<strong>

Reviews Appreciated  
>xxx<p>

P.S sorry for any spelling mistakes, computers made my eyes fuzzy x


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